So, Simon was supposed to get his Broviak line at 10 this morning, then maybe noon, now maybe 2pm, but who really knows. They're trying to fit him in between surgeries. The hardest part is that he's HUNGRY! He last was fed at 6 am and they won't let him eat. He's supposed to be gaining weight so not feeding him is really frustrating. Argh.
The main possible complications of this procedure involves his blood pressure getting low, which they can deal with and his coming out of anesthesia (he'll be intubated). They have to extubate slowly and I'm hoping we aren't going to have an intubated baby for hours. They initially said the post-op process is about 30 minutes and I'm really hoping that they get the damn tube out as quickly as possible. It sounded like a pretty quick procedure but there's so much to get into and out of it that makes me a little nervous. The reality is that we don't really have a choice, so it's what we have to do.
That's kind of the name of this whole game, right?
All of that is very real AND the hardest thing for me right now is being around my hungry baby and not being able to feed him. It's gets worse when I get closer to him since he can smell me and clearly associate comfort/relief from hunger with me. It was quite intense for a moment there when my head was telling me all the very real reasons that Simon shouldn't eat anything but my body was saying "fuck that, feed the baby".
I had to leave the room and that's stupid hard given the fact that Simon is about to have surgery.
Fuck this is hard.