Thursday, January 14, 2010

Epidural Bound

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I had a home birth. 7 hours and 16 minutes. 30 minutes of pushing total.

I'm having an epidural tomorrow along with a shot of steroids.


Turns out I have a herniated disk in my lower spine.

I am relieved somewhat by having a clear course of action to take that should alleviate the pain and let me at least let me get back to a place where I can begin to take care of el backo. I am not relieved to have learned that I already have some minor arthritis in my spine that while it can be worked on to not increase, cannot be reversed.


At least Simon likes the 'dead bug' exercise that I have to do three sets of 30 of every day. He thinks it's funny to push down on my legs as I lie on my back and slowly bring my legs up and down like a New York cockroach. Dr Jess was very happy to hear that not only was Simon giving me the space to do my exercises but providing additional resistance as well.

Simon Fitch-Jenett, my own personal trainer.

I'm hoping for a nice beach/ocean/underwater daydream during the anesthesia. Maybe even a redheaded mermaid that shows up with fresh baked yumminess.............oh wait, I have that at home -Jaime's been on a fresh baked bread kick lately :-)

Truth is, this has been a hard kick in the pants for us to look again at our infrastructure and see how we as a family can handle additional stressors.
Lots and lots of good hard lessons here.

And we have to do some restructuring. Spread the love as the case may be.

I carry a lot during the week.

Jaime carries a lot during the week.

Simon demands a lot.

Add anything to that lot and the strain multiplies exponentially. I in particular really need to work on sharing the wealth. And most of it is 'rich'.
It's time with Simon and that's worth a lot right??

I also have to work on really believing that. I admit there is a part of me that struggles with teaching people about how to take care of him.
The funny thing is I don't think of it as a burden for me but there is a huge part of me that resists training people on his tube feedings and medications in part because I don't want to burden other folk.
How messed up is that? These are people that love Simon, that love me, that have been so supportive of the three of us.

Yes, there's the part of me that is scared that it won't be done right, or something will go wrong. That's real. It's not simple and there are several steps and lots to remember AND I have a cell phone. I'm not really going to even be that far AND Simon will not die or really even be in any sort of trouble if he misses a feed or a medication is given an hour late.

It's all ok right? (not sure who I'm asking but it still feels like a question and something I am in process about believing).

I think every new parent feels this way at some point.
That first time you leave your newborn to go out for a meal.
That first chunk of hours where you leave them with a babysitter.
The first playdate where you don't really know the other family like you know your own family.
That first overnight.

It's just a little bit extra over here and I'm working on it.

I'm excited to have the 'roid' experience along side of Simon (even though his have long worn off). Isn't there some kind of saying about a family that "juices" together stays together? No? Oh well, there should be.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I am a camel

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I don't need a lot of water (I know I do but i rarely feel it). I move kind of slow (they are not known as speedy animals), and I thoroughly enjoy a good spit (they are known for their spitting).

And normally I love straw. I like lying on it. I like the smell of it. I even liked collecting it during hot summers in Vermont when I was younger (it was back breaking work but felt so satisfying at the end of the day).

That said, I believe I am officially of the broken back because of one last straw.


I can not get my back to settle down. It's been in constant pain and spasm and for the last 4 weeks there have been moments of little pain surrounded by longer stretches of lots of pain.

Simon seems to be finally over his cold and cough while I am still hacking some but at least without nighttime congestion. That does mean though that we are back to some vomiting and not really eating anymore. was awesome while it lasted. Back to the slow road and regular tube feedings.

And, as of yesterday, Roxie our lovable dog with her own set of special needs, has an ulcerated cornea that requires 4 different medications and most likely a surgical procedure that could take up to 6-8 weeks to heal.

That means along with Simon's 7 meds, my 2 (three if you count ibuprofen that I have to take when I can't take the muscle relaxer or vicodin because I might have to drive) and Roxie's 4, we are working out 14 medications in this house.

I'm really just about cooked and not quite sure what to do about it.

Chronic pain is exhausting. Stay at home parenting is exhausting. a non-walking 25# baby is exhausting. Heart failure, tube feedings, and daily medications are exhausting.

It's even more troubling that I am so exhausted after a weekend in Calistoga surrounded by our peeps and hot mineral water.

The weekend was delightful and a wonderful celebration of Jaime and our community.

Jaime and Shimmy through the morning steam

Noodle Fight!!

Here's just a few of the crew- From L to R..... Eric, Simon, Mel, Julian, Tanner, Jaime, Laura, Karen, and Zuzu. Calistoga Spa & Hot Springs never knew what hit them.

More of the wrinkled but relaxed family.

Later that evening at Taylor's Refresher

The 'roid ravenousness might have worn off (as has the eating that we were seeing) but the little man is still willing to put things in his pie hole- in this case an onion ring dipped in ketchup.

That's a vegetable and fried food- two of the major food groups.... right??