Epidural Bound

I had a home birth. 7 hours and 16 minutes. 30 minutes of pushing total.

I'm having an epidural tomorrow along with a shot of steroids.

Weird.

Turns out I have a herniated disk in my lower spine.
Awesome.

I am relieved somewhat by having a clear course of action to take that should alleviate the pain and let me at least let me get back to a place where I can begin to take care of el backo. I am not relieved to have learned that I already have some minor arthritis in my spine that while it can be worked on to not increase, cannot be reversed.

C'mon.

At least Simon likes the 'dead bug' exercise that I have to do three sets of 30 of every day. He thinks it's funny to push down on my legs as I lie on my back and slowly bring my legs up and down like a New York cockroach. Dr Jess was very happy to hear that not only was Simon giving me the space to do my exercises but providing additional resistance as well.

Simon Fitch-Jenett, my own personal trainer.

I'm hoping for a nice beach/ocean/underwater daydream during the anesthesia. Maybe even a redheaded mermaid that shows up with fresh baked yumminess.............oh wait, I have that at home -Jaime's been on a fresh baked bread kick lately :-)

Truth is, this has been a hard kick in the pants for us to look again at our infrastructure and see how we as a family can handle additional stressors.
Lots and lots of good hard lessons here.

And we have to do some restructuring. Spread the love as the case may be.

I carry a lot during the week.

Jaime carries a lot during the week.

Simon demands a lot.

Add anything to that lot and the strain multiplies exponentially. I in particular really need to work on sharing the wealth. And most of it is 'rich'.
It's time with Simon and that's worth a lot right??

I also have to work on really believing that. I admit there is a part of me that struggles with teaching people about how to take care of him.
The funny thing is I don't think of it as a burden for me but there is a huge part of me that resists training people on his tube feedings and medications in part because I don't want to burden other folk.
How messed up is that? These are people that love Simon, that love me, that have been so supportive of the three of us.

Yes, there's the part of me that is scared that it won't be done right, or something will go wrong. That's real. It's not simple and there are several steps and lots to remember AND I have a cell phone. I'm not really going to even be that far AND Simon will not die or really even be in any sort of trouble if he misses a feed or a medication is given an hour late.

It's all ok right? (not sure who I'm asking but it still feels like a question and something I am in process about believing).

I think every new parent feels this way at some point.
That first time you leave your newborn to go out for a meal.
That first chunk of hours where you leave them with a babysitter.
The first playdate where you don't really know the other family like you know your own family.
That first overnight.

It's just a little bit extra over here and I'm working on it.

I'm excited to have the 'roid' experience along side of Simon (even though his have long worn off). Isn't there some kind of saying about a family that "juices" together stays together? No? Oh well, there should be.