Thursday, September 3, 2009

W.A.S.P.'s and Latkes

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Jaime and I are special. We come from opposite sides of the country, with two very different families, (that get along swimmingly) with two very distinct growing up stories. Food, schooling, family time, recreation, religion/ spirituality, earthly goods, communication etc, etc.....verrrrry different. With all that going on, we still met and decided to partner with each other for the rest of our lives, not to mention embark on raising a child. Plus, we like each other a whole hell of a lot.

Here we are, just starting out on that crazy ride called parenting, when *whamo*! We have a kidlett that is quite special and brings with him into this life a whole host of needs that are not typical of the madness that is first time parenting to begin with.

For the last week or so Jaime and I have been bumping up against each other in this thing called parenting. I would say that normally we turn like cogs intertwined. Maybe cog is not the right word but I'm talking about the big wheels in clocks that have all the grooves and rotate, making the clock tell it's the image?

Actually I would say that for the last week or so we haven't been "bumping" against each other so much as we've been rubbing irritatingly and/or feeling miles apart. Not so easy and/or comfortable when there's always so much at stake each moment of each day. Also, not so much fun when the underlying feeling is that you love the other person so much and miss them terribly even when you don't want to be around them.

.....Still with me?

So it had gone on long enough and we set aside our regular vegging out (Top Chef and Project Runway are back on- blessed be) to have some reconnection time. It's a conversation that we've had numerous times in the last 16+ months. How different our lives our as a couple, how different my life is from hers, how normal her life feels at times, how my life doesn't resemble any kind of normal that I've ever known....and on and on.

We were talking about how different our coping skills are given our backgrounds.

Jaime said something like "You know it's kind of like when someone dies. As a W.A.S.P. you put on a brave face, have a funeral and then get on with life sort of like it didn't happen."

To which I countered with "We tear our clothes and shut down for 7 days."

She said "We smile and cross our fingers that it doesn't come up in conversation because we might cry in public, which one really shouldn't do because it might make people uncomfortable."
I said "we cover the mirrors in our house, make sure to wear black so everyone knows and say the Mourner's Kaddish (prayer) for a year."
We went on with a few more examples. So much fun.

This was actually the breakthrough moment of our conversation and made us both smile and laugh.

Jaime and I will continue to bump up against each other, cogs screeching and scraping, but more often than not nicely in sync. We are both in love with our son Simon. We are in love with each other. Neither one is in question, both are absolute.

And Holy Heck, both are magnificently hard sometimes and in such different ways. Parenting is hard. Parenting Simon is hard. It's not the loving him part that's hard- that's easy. Even when he hasn't napped in days (napped yesterday!!!) or when I'm holding him down for a blood draw, scheduling his appts, cleaning up vomit etc, etc, my heart is still so full of love for him. Sometimes it's that heavy thick-with-sorrow kind of love but mostly it's the juicy-like-a-Jolly-Rancher-candy kind of love.

Loving Jaime has also been so easy. Even when we are scraping along I am so aware of how much I miss the sweetness and want to get back to it. It means that I always carry an apology in my pocket. I might forget which pocket it's in right away or it might be the "I'm really sorry that was hard for you" kind of apology, but it's there.
I think Jaime and I genuinely do feel bad when the other person is having a hard time even when their hard time might be facilitating ours as well. The magic trick we are working on is letting the other person have their hard time, being there for them, and remembering that how it gets played out is not necessarily about us, even though it's coming our way.

Simon requires a whole lot from us, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually,
you-name-it-lly and that includes Jaime and I loving each other and working together as best we can. He deserves it. I deserve it. Jaime deserves it.

Mayo and Matzah.
WASP's and Latkes
Christmas Trees and Maimonides.

It's all good
and hard
and my family.

Like Justin says "I'm lovin' it."

Here are some pics of the growing boy
I got new shades!!

I like em'!!!!

I look gooood!

Story time with Julian (1 month apart but look at those different sized heads!)
Simon's new favorite pastime- Zerberting Mommy

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day(s)

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Having a sinus infection does not help.

It's been one of those days (actually we're on day three of one of those days).

Simon has not napped in three days (with a nap on Sunday but then not for three days before that either). I have no idea what's going on for him but it's making me a little nuts that I get no real break during the day (save for the Pious One Abby Pike who can sometimes take Simon and run away from the 'about to lose her shit' Mommy monster). Add on to it a very pukey baby today, morning plans foiled, clothes changes three times before noon, one extra shower (that immediately went to waste) one Dr's visit for Laura, and the ever annoying/sometimes painful sinus infection and we've had a terrible no good very very very bad day. Oh yeah, and Simon has Cardiomyopathy so even when someone wants to come and babysit (thank you for the offer Nola) it's not really an option unless they've been trained in the pump and feeding regiment not to mention the medications. That doesn't even include the extra worrying that his barfing brings on. Are we going back to the ER for IV fluids? Are we going back the ER for something more serious? Why isn't he keeping his food down? Teething? Heart? Other system starting to fail?

I had a good cry right after he barfed on me for the third time in 10 minutes and was clearly not going to take a nap today. then we got a call from our caseworker at the regional Center, the place that provides our OT for us (free of charge). Looks like Arnold has cut their budget significantly so we won't be receiving services from them any more since Simon does in fact have insurance. That just means another co-pay for weekly OT plus he's likely to qualify for physical therapy as well as speech therapy. Three more co-pays AND with our new insurance, med costs almost doubled. I hate this. I hate it.

At least there's an air conditioner now running in our home keeping it cool during these hot hot days (thank you G'paw!!) and we're off to swimming with our dear friends Skeeter and little Moses.

It also helped a little that Chocolate Lucky Charms were on sale at the Drug store where we had to pick up my prescription. It's the little things right?

Somethings gotta change soon. We need to get back to a schedule that includes a nap. What 17 month old baby (with a heart condition) doesn't take a frikkin' nap during the day?! I'd like that back please. Oh yeah, and I'd like Simon to eat. That would be really really nice. And walk. If he started walking too that would be awesome. While we're at it why not just make his heart stronger too. That would be super special. How 'bout it?


Ok then.

I'm out.