For the last few weeks we have had heavy gray clouds, mixed in with torrential rain, and bitter cold (hush you Easterners, 43 degrees is really cold here).
And like the co-dependent person I have become, I feel like my son, and evidently the weather as well.
Up until this past Saturday, Simon has been battling the barfs, the bugs, and the 'bummers'. He's had a cold for what seems like forever and the mucus has just thrown him way back in terms of gagging and throwing up. This does not make for easy days and of course less than zero headway when it comes to food; smelling food, seeing food, talking about food, and certainly not putting food anywhere near his mouth. It's been a really rough time , really since he's been sick with pneumonia back in late December.
And, that's been really hard for me. The contrast between where we were at just before he got sick- with the interest, and chewing and swallowing...THAT was awesome!
To have been thrown so far back in what feels like this last area of challenge was harder on me more than anything. Simon is Simon. 30 seconds after he throws up he's fine. He's back. He's ready to move on/try it again/laugh it off.
I have so much to learn from him. And I can only hope/pray that he can hold on to it as he grows.
This little man who has been through so much....knows how to live. He loves life. He hugs people that he's just met. One simple positive interaction with a stranger and he's ready to bestow on them his new favorite phrase. "I love you. I missed you."
Yes, I know he's only almost three, his language is delayed even younger than that, and we're beginning to see some interest in other people's reactions to such things.... but how lovely is it that meeting a new person and loving them is that simple.
How lovely is it that when he feels bad or sick he is right in it AND the moment that he feels better, he believes that the moment has truly passed and can get on with the good stuff.
How nice for him.
I mean that in both ways. Really, how nice is it for Simon, the boy who has endured more discomfort than any one person should have to endure in a lifetime, to be able to have that skill and stay rooted in the 'feel good' times.
How nice for him (dripping with sarcasm an jealousy) that he unintentionally points out to me over and over again that I am still working on this. That I hold on to the barfing/time spent cleaning up from yesterday and feel the weight of it today, spending energy on whether or not it will happen tomorrow.
I know it's a beautiful piece of early childhood development and think Simon's got it in a deep way.
It's my hope that I go on learning it from him and as well I can, mirror it back to him as he tries to naturally grow out of it...the little stinker.
And, like the weather, Simon, and therefore I, have turned a corner. On Saturday the sun came out and so did Simon. No, he has not proclaimed any new sense of self or orientation but the boy is back in a way that we haven't seen since his bout with pneumonia back in December.
He is talking up a storm, making new faces (think Dana Carvey crossed with Jim Carey), saying new phrases (my personal fave is "hold my hand") and ........................EATING!!
Yes, we've picked up where we left off. Almost exactly.
It's like the last 7 weeks never happened and he's so excited about putting food to his mouth and even trying to chew and swallow. Yellow curry, black beans, squash, pasta O's, Salsa, spicy spaghetti sauce, BACON!!!
I am beyond ecstatic. Like the weather outside right now I am feeling the clear skies, the sweet snap in the air, and the sun warming everything. Like Simon I am feeling in the moment, not needing to hold on what might be coming or what has just transpired. It's like some sick Air Supply soundtrack is playing. This is so much better (for everybody) than the Morrissey soundtrack of the last few weeks, and I don't even really know Morrissey's music that well but wasn't it uber depresso?
This is a great way to enter into one of our most interesting months yet. March brings an OT, PT, Speech, and developmental psych evaluation along with observations and the IEP meeting that will decide what services Simon is eligible for when he turns three.
Developmental, medical, financial, it's all in the mix.
So, not unlike another 80's pop reference I do feel a little like I am "living in a powder keg and giving off sparks" but more like Fireworks ala Katy Perry.
That's right, I just brought it to the here and now.
A boy, his dog, and a wicked deep puddle
A boy, after a stumble in said puddle