Simon had his first full on laughing session today. Laura and I were in the cafeteria with him and Laura made a funny, loud, high "Boop" noise, almost like an old computer. Simon grinned, stuck out his tongue and started to laugh. She started to combine it with Hide and Seek and he just laughed and laughed. We played this game for at least 20 minutes.
I've never seen Simon laugh. I've seen him chuckle. I've seen him smile (not much until this last week). I've heard him grunt/laugh/grimace when I've tried tickling him. But I've never seen him really laugh until tonight. It was glorious.
I had a long venting session tonight with Laura (poor thing's ears are probably bleeding). I had a 12 hour day yesterday and only saw Simon for a hour yesterday morning and then only for 30 minutes this morning before I had to go to work. I ranted about that a little. Then the hospital called tonight with something slightly concerning but really nothing major and I had a big adrenaline rush and got furious. We're so close to coming home and I will be SO pissed if something happens again.
I'm seriously at threshold. My mantra is "I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can. That's all I can do". I've been horrible to Laura the last 48 hours or so and feel terrible about it and then I go back to my mantra. Things have been a bit stressful at work. Back to the mantra. I can't do more than I can do. If it's not good enough, it's still all I can do. You can't get blood from a stone, especially when the stone's baby has been in the ICU for 15 weeks. Sometimes I can't believe *I'm* still alive. I can't believe that I'm happily married, even in the midst of all of this. This is the kind of stuff that breaks up marriages. We just have bumps here and there but we work it out quickly. It's pretty awesome.
Simon is turning out to be a really fun kid. I was afraid he'd be grumpy his whole life, but this last week has shown me what is possible. It's really exciting as his personality is emerging. Plus he's turning out to be such a dreamboat- I thought he was sort of scary looking for a while there when he was scary skinny and mad all the time :-)
We can't find out f****ing camera again so no pictures tonight. Here's for hoping the patron saint of cameras put it in a safe place that we're too wiped out to remember.
Hugs all around.