Jaime and I had our first discharge meeting this morning (Jaime via conference call) regarding our going home. We didn't necessarily hear anything new (broviack care, NG protocol, meds, etc) except for the exciting/terrifying news that we might be discharged on Thursday not Friday and that Susan, our cardiac nurse would actually like to have us ready to go home by Wednesday. I really think I crapped my pants a little after that meeting.
It was already a rough day with Simon being particularly fussy all morning and not napping well (curse the heart rate monitor telling me over and over that his heart rate was just a little higher than what's been typical). By tonight I had talked to enough people and tried enough things that I can feel comfortable chalking it up to teething, but damn if I wasn't a little out of my head with worry.
I know we're ready. I know that I'm more than knowledgeable about how to take care of him and what to watch for and notice. I also know that I am so very frightened of needing to come back here and Simon getting sicker again. It's all right there, I wouldn't even say "below" the surface. It is the surface.
I want him home so badly. I want to be able to control lights and sound. I want to walk him around the neighborhood again and have him see a variation on his world that we haven't had in months. I want him to watch Roxie with delight getting to know her as his dog.
And I am scared. Just scared. I have been doing his meds and keeping him on his feeding schedule for almost two months now. I know how to care for him. AND.... I've always had a second set of very well trained eyes to double check anything and everything with, not to mention the 5-10 folks that come around 2-3 times a day for Rounds, check-ins, and periodic checks or visits and the heart rate monitor, blood pressure checks and pulse oxygen check.
It's too much to think about all at once. At least I have a couple of days too integrate this information and then a couple of days with Jaime home for the weekend to get used to it. It's like right after he was born and Jaime went back to work all over again, but different.
Just working on breathing right now.
That and loving Simon's growing. Check out who knows his name know.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuW427cDTL0
And some pics
Here's Mr Shimmy enjoying his first Avocado
(either that or we've got the Incredible Hulk for a son.)
Here's Simon and Jasmine our neighbor enjoying one of their last nights together.