So day 2 of work was pretty good. It's going to be really hard not to feel like I'm responsible for a full day's work in 5 hours. However, I can only do what I can do and while my job is really important to me, my family is more important. I brought some work home with me and haven't gotten to it and I'm really okay with that. I want to be at work when I'm at work and fully present when I'm here at the hospital.
I was saying to Laura that the highs and lows of this are unlike anything I've experienced except maybe all the drama in coming out, etc in my first year of college. Late in the afternoon/early evening yesterday we were freaking out about Simon getting warm and his heart rate being so high and then after we moved to bed 22, we were delirious with joy last night when we were trying to go to sleep. It's really a trip. In some ways I feel more alive- I'm feeling more extreme feelings than I ever normally do. I'm usually very even keeled and this is hard but it's also sort of like living on the East coast versus California. I'm having some pretty extreme emotion weather and it makes you stop and pay attention. In some twisted way I appreciate it.
The support just continues. Friends brought our garbage cans up to the street for us last night and we came home to an overflowing gift basket from one of my troupe mates. Someone else brought down our garbage cans tonight. I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks and the love just keeps coming. I feel like there needs to be some award for "best community network" or something. Seriously. Simon's first birthday is going to be one mother of a party for all y'all.
I'm home by myself tonight and off to bed soon after I call to check on my fam. It's settling into a sort of weird normalish routine now- it feels like we're just raising our son in another place and I almost can't see all the wires and tubes attached. I go off to work and drop Laura at her "job" at the hospital in the morning. We bounce him and swaddle him to get him to sleep, he goes to the breast when he's hungry...it's all just got an extra edge of anxiety because we're looking at a monitor for his vitals and we're doing it all in a 10 x 10 curtained off space with no control over noise or light (although it's much better in the Annex) and we have a nice lady who helps us here and there (our nurse).
I forget how adaptable I am until I'm doing insane things like this and they feel pretty normal after a really short period of time. Maybe it's just good coping skills but sometimes it feels like I should be more unsettled and fight somehow instead of just resigning myself to things being the way they are. I could probably be brainwashed really easily :-)
Okay, off to bed. Hugs and kisses all around.