Today I am angry. I am so tired and am I so angry. I am angry that we are in the damn hospital again. I'm angry that none of us are getting enough sleep. I'm angry that my son is stuck in an environment where he can't touch anything because it's dangerous, germ-wise for him, or he's dangerous to someone else. I'm angry that Simon has to wear a mask every time he leaves our room. I'm angry that I can't figure out what we need from friends who are offering to help, even though we've done this before. I'm angry that I don't feel like it's safe for friends with little kids to visit because Simon has something potentially dangerous for them.
I'm angry that maybe this is caused by RSV and we didn't get a shot to prevent it because we all thought he was old enough not to need it. I'm angry that I have zero feelings right now for anyone, except Simon,other than annoyance, frustration and impatience. I'm angry that our roommates left and they had a space 2x as big as ours with a window and we have been told that we could move over there but housekeeping hasn't come so we can't move and the garbage is overflowing and it feels like we've been living in a cave. I am angry that the standard of nursing attention is so much lower on the floor versus the ICU or that our expectations are so much higher and that makes us look not like the "on top of it parents" but the "annoying parents".
I'm angry that Simon's pulse oximeter is malfunctioning and the dude that came to fix it basically said it's b/c Simon is too wiggly. Bullshit. It's a children's hospital. FIX IT. This frickin number is the only thing that is keeping us in the hospital. If you don't fix it, I spend all night being woken up by an alarm that says that my son has no oxygen in his blood when, in fact, he's wide awake and pissed about being in the hospital and very much alive. I'm pissed that the light in our area is broken so we only have bright light. I'm pissed that our chair bed is broken so if you stand on it (which you have to do to get to Simon if the bed is down) you practically break your neck b/c it slides apart. And I told a nurse about it 2 days ago. And I'm too damn tired to really pitch a fit.
I'm angry that this is how we had to spend our vacation. We got three days. Three. It was supposed to be almost 2 weeks. I so needed this time to reboot and instead I'm running on reserves. I'm angry that we might spend New Year's Eve in a goddamn hospital instead of Gualala or even our house.
I think that's it. I'm sure I'll be overflowing with gratitude tomorrow when I've slept and been in the sun, but today I'm surly.
Oh, and I'm pissed that the delivery guy who is trying to deliver our freezer flaked yesterday, knowing that one of us left the hospital to be home to receive it. A-hole.