Tonight I am tired.
I am tired of drawing meds.
I am tired of "hooking my son up" to feed him.
I am tired that there are #'s to be waited on, labs to be drawn and Echo cardiograms to look at.
I am tired of waiting for OT to start..
I am tired of hospital bills, co-pays, and insurance companies that can't get a damn thing right.
I am tired of extra shots and immunizations.
I am tired of counting every one of Simon's calories.
I am tired of never getting to wear the same clothes at night that I put on in the morning because of vomit.
I am tired of doing laundry.
I am tired of having to ask for help to pay the bills.
I am tired of not just getting to blog about milestones and cute moments.
I am tired of dreaming and planning for trips and visits that most likely won't happen for years,
I am tired of not being able to make play dates because of colds, fevers, whatever.
I am tired of worrying about how the weather will affect my son's heart.
I am tired of having to think about "training" people to babysit.
I am tired of sometimes feeling my life as a sliver compared to my life as a medical caretaker.
Tonight I am tired.
Tomorrow starts the weekend and time for Farmer's Markets and time with Jaime and friends, and many hands to make light things that are sometimes heavy.
Tonight I am tired and my heart is weighted down with how much I love my son, my family.
1 comment:
Oh sister.
Wit doesn't always come across in writing, so I will avoid that tonight...and anything else seems hollow.
I send you my love and prayer. I'm not sure to what or whom, but it is the only thing that seems remotely appropriate.
Hugs.
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