I started writing this poem yesterday when I was freaking out a little about his BNP number and that it would mean he won't get better, etc. I feel better now, especially since he's gone through this incredible developmental surge today- he suddenly is playing with his tongue (making raspberries, sticking it out , etc), flirting, getting his thumb in his mouth and so much more "talk". He's been chipper and happy so much more today than probably any day until this point- hospital and before that. That said, I know what a roller coaster ride this is and have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I almost expect a hard day after a day like today and also expect a day like today after a day like this past Tuesday when he started getting his Staph infection. We truly have to live in the moment...
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Death is sleeping gently
Outside the window
Holding vigil with us
As the baby tosses and turns
Tangled up in fate
Some mornings rays shine in clean and clear
Other mornings the light dims
Mottled and blurred by nose prints
Left from her watchfulness
She sits patiently
Holding her post
As threads
Wind and weave
When they pull apart
Like spider webs brushed by a shoulder
She opens her old, strong arms
To catch and soothe the spirits as they
Stumble
Lost without a body
Some mornings
I nod to her and carry on about my business
Other mornings
I press my face to the window
Peer out
Eyes squinting
With equal parts
Malice and gratitude
If his ties begin to bind and cut
Torturing
I will rap on the window
Call to her and
Nod
I hope that day will never come
But now I know her
I felt her fingers on my shoulder that night
Outside the window
Holding vigil with us
As the baby tosses and turns
Tangled up in fate
Some mornings rays shine in clean and clear
Other mornings the light dims
Mottled and blurred by nose prints
Left from her watchfulness
She sits patiently
Holding her post
As threads
Wind and weave
When they pull apart
Like spider webs brushed by a shoulder
She opens her old, strong arms
To catch and soothe the spirits as they
Stumble
Lost without a body
Some mornings
I nod to her and carry on about my business
Other mornings
I press my face to the window
Peer out
Eyes squinting
With equal parts
Malice and gratitude
If his ties begin to bind and cut
Torturing
I will rap on the window
Call to her and
Nod
I hope that day will never come
But now I know her
I felt her fingers on my shoulder that night
And was oddly comforted to know
We are not alone
dear lovies- i'm sending you love and strength from boston-land.
ReplyDeleteyou women are so strong and surrounded by such love from your community that it soothes my saddened heart.
fitch- you've been rocking my world for many years now so keep it up, mama.
keep the posts comin'
you are so loved.
-josie d
This poem is amazing and so sad. Our hearts are with you, and soon also, we hope, some deli-style (but homemade) sandwiches. xoxo, Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteSade-The Sweetest Gift
ReplyDeleteQuietly while you were asleep
The moon and I were talking
I asked that she'd always keep you protected
She promised you her light
That you so gracefully carry
You bring your light and shine like morning
And then the wind pulls the clouds across the moon
Your light fills the darkest room
And I can see the miracle
That keeps us from falling
She promised all the sweetest gifts
That only the heaven's could bestow
You bring your light and shine like morning
And as you so gracefully give
Her light as long as you live
I'll always remember this moment
What a beautiful poem, so real, so tender, and so strong. Just like you two moms and your miracle babe.
ReplyDeleteall love and blessings to you
Judy
Wowza, Jamie...beautiful imagery to describe how you were dealing with this time in your life, sad yet comforting.
ReplyDelete